The Perks of Being a Wallflower: Reviewed by OWHG

Editor’s note:  Out of Work Hockey Guy has had some spare time on his hands.  That, coupled with his love of movies, moved him to write a guest blog for The Tales.  I was pleasantly surprised when I received his review a day ahead of schedule.  What appears below, is real.  Enjoy.

First off, I am honored and flattered about the opportunity to be a
guest blogger for The Tales. Seeing how this came after only
commenting twice on The Tales, I feel like a young Vince Papale,
plucked from obscurity to the Prime time. Enough of that shrimp
cocktail, now onto the iceberg wedge of this five course blog.

“Perks of Being a Wallflower” is a coming of age movie about a
freshman starting high school in the early 1990′s. I think we all can
agree that those were the days. The movie stars some relative unknowns
so I wont get into the full cast but the lead of “Charlie” is played
by Logan Lermin and the role of “Sam” is played by Emma Watson who
played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies. I’d like to point
out Emma Watson has aged wonderfully, and by that I mean I like her looks.
Paul Rudd also makes a cameo.

Seabass and broccolini: So I hear you at home, “But OWHG, why do I need
to watch a ‘coming of age’ high school movie sandwiched between Emilio
Estevez duct taping a nerds butt and Stifler’s mom sleeping with
Finch?”  Because it’s not that type of film you Load. Gone are the
hokey pranks laid out in the John Hughes era and the toilet humor of
the American Pie series. Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved both of those
genres, but “Perks” gives a fresh take on the trials of high school for
a kid who might not belong.

Cheescake summary: Movie is legit. I personally liked it more than
“Silver Lining Playbook.”  That might ruffle some feathers but I’m a
Lions fan, so screw it. Well directed and acted, kept me guessing the whole time and not at all what I expected going into it. So, if you prefer
the endings to “Zero Dark 30″ or “Lincoln,” this might be the one for
you.

Cocktail wrap-up: on a scale of 1 to 5, “Multiplicity” being 0 and “Bill
and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” being 5:  4.5
Snack recommendation for home viewing: a few casual Coors Lights and Cheddar Cheese and Sour Cream Ruffles.

Big Day Tomorrow On The Tales

Recently, my other job has been requiring more of my attention than normal.  Sensing my stress level rising, Summer Sidekick volunteered to write a guest blog for The Tales.  You will recall SSK shredded “Gangster Squad” to pieces.

Now, Out of Work Hockey Guy has arisen from his slumber and has thrown his hat into the ring.  He has volunteered (volunteered = unpaid) to write a review of “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.”  I’ve never actually heard of the movie and I hope this isn’t some elaborate hoax he’s concocted during his time off.  OWHG movie tastes range from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” to “Les Miserables.”  So, suffice it to say, this should be interesting.  OWHG works in the West Coast office of The Tales, so if he submits his work by noon Central tomorrow, let’s consider it an upset.

Side Effects: Reviewed

The other night I went to a movie I knew absolutely nothing about nor had ever heard of.  Sometimes I do that.  It’s pretty hard to be disappointed if you don’t have any expectations.  Well, I did have one expectation.  I expected my invention of combing popcorn and Peanut Butter M&Ms to taste really good. Mission accomplished.

Anyways, I went to “Side Effects.”  Jude Law and Catherine Zeta-Jones are in it.  So is Channing Tatum.  Or is Tatum Channing?  I can never remember.  Whatever, he didn’t need to learn very many lines because he’s not in it very long (spoiler alert.)  Maybe I should have put the spoiler alert at the beginning of the sentence.  I will let history decide that.

Anywho, I loved this movie.  It’s gripping, smart, moving and plausible.  I guess I don’t know a lot about Jude Law but he was enjoyable as a psychiatrist caught in the middle of some shenanigans.

If you need car crashes, explosions, and chase scenes, skip this movie.  If you want a witty film where you find yourself trying to figure out the “end game,” check it out.  Definitely worth it.

Side Effects 3 out of 5 stars

Diet Coke, Popcorn, Peanut M&Ms

Summer Sidekick Reviews “Gangster Squad”

*Editor’s note:  Today’s installment of Reggie Tales is brought to you by first time blogger, Summer Sidekick.  The Tales Home Office appreciates his effort.  Future guest bloggers are being considered and some have been contacted.  Enjoy.

Well, a special thanks to the “Tales” allowing a first ever guest blogger.  Monday night I decided to go check out “Gangster Squad” starring Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, and Emma Stone.  The movie theater was quiet because of the snow storm.  I was fairly certain I was going to have the place to myself, when three minutes before the movie started, I swear it was either Santa or his doppelganger sitting directly across the aisle from me.  After looking around to see if this was a gag, I said “whatever” and settled into my spot with a half Diet Coke, half Cherry Coke and Peanut M&Ms.  Anyways, on to the movie.

This movie was to be released this past summer, but due to the Denver movie theater shootings, it was pushed back until this winter.  The basis of the movie is Mickey Cohen is a Jewish gangster that muscled his way to the top of Italian organized crime in Los Angeles.  The LAPD is a very corrupt unit during this period and the Chief puts together a group of misfit honest cops who are looking to bring justice to LA and make a difference for their families’ future.

Knowing this, I thought it sounded like it might be a cool movie with some actors I respect/enjoy watching.  To say I was disappointed would not be blog worthy.  I was downright mad at losing two hours of my life that I can not get back.  I have watched hundreds and hundreds of movies in my time, many of which would be classified as “B” movies, cult classics, and others that are just not that good but this ranks in my top 7 worst.

I don’t want to ruin this movie for everybody as some people might actually like it or want to see it still, but I have a few brief things I’d like to touch on.

*Ryan Gosling- Plays a womanizing war vet but the whole movie it sounds like he has the voice of a six year old girl.  It was really annoying and I couldn’t take him seriously.

*Josh Brolin- Was OK. That’s it.

*Sean Penn- To much makeup on, character looked and acted like a character out of Dick Tracy starring Warren Beatty.

*Emma Stone- Where do I start with this girl?  In my humble opinion she brings nothing to any movie she is in.  I don’t get her movie cred, just flat lines any scene in the movie. I know people really liked her in “The Help”  and “Easy A,” but I’m sure all “Tales” readers have that one actor/actress they just don’t like and she’s mine.

I wanted this movie to be better because it is a period in LA history which I find interesting. I really enjoyed “LA Confidential,”  “Black Dhalia,” and “Changling.”  All those movies are in the same time genre and I just thought it was too cartoonish.

Well, thanks again “Tales” readers for reading my movie review, and Reg, keep up the good work.

SSK

Movie: .25 star out of 5 stars
Pop and Peanut M&Ms 5 out of 5

Guest Blogger Tomorrow

You won’t want to miss tomorrow’s edition of The Tales.  In a first for us, we will be having a guest blogger.  He’s one of the regular Tales characters and he’s going to be tackling a review of “The Gangster Squad” with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone.

This opportunity for the guest blogger has arisen from a perfect storm of me being “too busy” with my real job and tomorrow’s guest having some “spare time” on his hands.  It should be interesting.

Silver Linings Playbook: Reviewed

Good news and bad news concerning my recent trek to see the much ballyhooed “Silver Linings Playbook.”  The good news is that my string of seeing above average movies was extended to six.  The bad news?  It fell short of my high expectations.  Keep in mind that in the last two months I’ve seen “Argo,” “Lincoln,” “Flight,” “Django Unchained,” and “Zero Dark Thirty.”  A pretty impressive list.

This might be a case of when you see a movie.  After seeing all of those, my standards might have been a little askew.  “Silver Linings Playbook” might have been one of the better movies I’d seen if I had gone to it before the others.  But I didn’t.  And it was “just o.k.”

Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence and Robert De Niro are fantastic in a story about a couple of people battling some mental health problems.  And the movie is centered around the Philadelphia Eagles and their importance in the lives of middle class Philadelphia family.  The movie is equal parts entertaining and predictable.  And while I enjoyed it, I’m really not sure where all the Oscar “buzz” for this movie is coming from.  I left the theater wishing it had been just a little bit better.  I also left the theater wishing I had more Peanut Butter M&M’s.  Those things are awesome.

So anyway, go to this movie.  It’s feel good and harmless all rolled into one.  But keep in mind, all of those other movies mentioned are a better option.

Silver Linings Playbook:  3 out of 5 stars.

Popcorn, Diet Coke, Peanut Butter M&M’s.  They really taste good with the popcorn.  I think it’s some kind of salt and chocolate deal. 

Zero Dark Thirty: Reviewed

“Zero Dark Thirty” is the story depicting the manhunt for Osama Bin Laden by United States forces.  Directed by Kathryn Bigelow, (The Hurt Locker) the debate over just how accurate “Zero Dark Thirty” is will go on for a long time.  But even if it’s only half true, it’s still an unbelievable story.  And an even better movie.

The heart pounding picks up shortly after the events of September 11, 2001.  The film depicts the sometimes not so glamorous world of trying to procure information from detainees.  I will leave the methods used for historians to debate.  If the movie is accurate, they seemed pretty useful.

Bigelow’s use of extremely tight camera shots to heighten your anxiety is incredible.  And Jessica Chastain as the lead CIA agent is award worthy for sure.

I’ve seen so many good movies in the last couple of months I can’t even keep them straight.  “Argo” is still probably my favorite.  Then it might be a toss-up between “Lincoln” and “Zero Dark Thirty.”

“ZDT” is a great movie.  Incredible movie making skills and scenery.  It feels like a real look at the world of espionage and intelligence.

Zero Dark Thirty

4 out of 5 stars

Popcorn, Diet Coke, and M&M’s.

Django Unchained: Reviewed

I’m fairly certain that “Django Unchained” is one of the best, craziest, most shocking, bizarre, and wildly entertaining movies I’ve ever seen.  And now that I’ve had a full twelve hours to digest it, I’m still not quite sure how to describe what I saw.

Even if I didn’t know that Quentin Tarantino had directed it, I would have figured it out within fifteen minutes.  Tarantino loves to cross lines and to turn taboo subjects into almost comical fodder.

“Django Unchained,” in large part, deals with slavery in America in 1858.  Jamie Foxx is excellent as the freed slave, Django.  And Christoph Waltz will probably win an Oscar (Best Supporting Actor) for his effort as Django’s partner and mentor as bounty hunters.  Also appearing in the star laden cast is Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio.  And of course, Tarentino provides a cameo.

The white elephant in the room concerning this movie is its use of the N-word.  110 times to be exact.  I’m not going to lie, it’s aggressive.  And like most Tarentino movies, it’s exaggerated.  But somehow, he’s able to poke fun at some of the strangest things.

So, if you go, brace yourself.  For a lot of action and for a three hour movie that somehow doesn’t feel like three hours.

True Story:  Have you ever gone to a movie and when you’re buying your ticket you momentarily forget what the movie is called?  It happens to me about 25% of the time.  And it happened last night.  My mind raced as I frantically searched for the title on the sign.  After three seconds I blurted out, “Durango Unchanged.”  The kid behind the counter, to his credit, nodded and smiled one of those smart-aleck type smiles.  Wink.  I’m sure he told his work friends about it as soon as I walked out of earshot.  On the tough streets of Stephen, if you made a mistake similar to that, we referred to it is as a “Richy.”

Django Unchained

4 out of 5 stars.

No popcorn, no pop.  Although, after two hours I was mad with that decision. 

Lincoln: Reviewed

My string of seeing very good movies continued recently when I went to “Lincoln.”  Steven Spielberg directs a gigantic cast in this sprawling history lesson centered around the 13th Amendment.

Lincoln fans, history buffs, and people who enjoy high quality movie making will love this flick.  I think I’m a little of each.  Granted, I’m not a great Lincoln “mind,” and Spielberg might have taken liberties that I’m not aware of, I still found it to be a fascinating history lesson.

To be honest, I have no idea who the guy was that played Lincoln.  But he was very good.  Sally Field plays Mrs. Lincoln.  Apparently Mrs. Lincoln was not shy when voicing her opinion to Abe.  The rest of the cast is huge.  And filled with dozens of great character actors.

So if you’re scoring at home, and wouldn’t that be weird if you were, I rank the last three movies as such:

1.  Argo

2.  Lincoln

3.  Flight

Come awards time, Ben Affleck and Spielberg are going to have a battle for best movie and director.

Lincoln

4 out of 5 stars

Popcorn, 3/4 Red Powerade and 1/4 Sprite.

A man of about 65 years sat behind me and was wearing a healthy dose of Brut 33.  But he didn’t talk or doing anything weird so I gave him a pass.

Argo: Reviewed

I finally went to see “Argo” the other night, and, it was worth the wait.  In fact, it’s probably the best movie I’ve seen in the last three or four years.

Based on a true story resulting from the American hostage situation in Iran in 1979, Ben Affleck’s ability for storytelling has most likely ascended to the ranks of Academy Award status.

This movie features the best fifteen minute opening sequence since “Saving Private Ryan.”  And the final fifteen minutes are just as riveting.  In between is movie gold.  It’s one of those movies you hope never ends.

Affleck directs and stars, and Bryan Cranston, John Goodman, and Alan Arkin are sensational.

Run, don’t walk, to see this film.

Argo:  4.5 out of 5

Carmike Theater

Popcorn, Diet Coke, Chocolate Covered Almonds (Don’t judge me.  The lady did a masterful job of upselling me on some kind of combo deal.)